Welcome Home Oliver

After 16 days in the NICU, Oliver was finally able to come home and meet his siblings!

 Cooper was all smiles and kept saying, "see it, see it!"  He kept pointing down at him.  It was cute.

 Madeline and Ethan were so excited to finally see him too.  Unfortunately, we haven't been able to manage to keep the germs away, so they still haven't held him.  The coughing around here is insane!  We ended up having to put the baby gate up across my bedroom door so Cooper won't go in and cough on Oliver.  Not to mention pull on the cords…I'll be SO EXCITED and SO HAPPY once the kids are better from their colds and Oliver is wire-free.  Then he can come out of my room and join his family!

 His little NICU at home: giant oxygen tank, changing station, and pulse oximeter.  That thing drives me crazy beeping all night…99% of the time it's the machine being dumb and Oliver is just fine.

 He still pretty much sleeps ALL day long, though he's managed to start being awake at night...

 I love the big yawn and double chin!  So kissable cute!

 Yay!  I have a baby!  And I get to keep him!

 Oliver Glenn:

My 11th Anniversary

I just wanted to interrupt the "Oliver blog" :) to do a shout-out to the best man on the planet!

 I woke up on Saturday morning after a night of no sleep and stood in front of the mirror.  Wow, I thought to myself, "I'm 31, I've been married 11 years, and I have four kids…"  CRAZY!  I don't know how that happened, but I'm sure glad it did.

I am so blessed to have Todd as my husband.  He has been so completely incredible these last 2+ months of upside down craziness.  Making dinner and doing laundry and going grocery shopping and playing with and loving the kids so much and so well.  And loving me perfectly in my sad state too.

It was so nice to get out for our Anniversary.  We hadn't gone a date together (unless you count the NICU!) for over two months.  My mom and sister tended our children which allowed Todd to spoil me.  We went to a movie in the afternoon, then Todd gave me tickets to go to THE NUTCRACKER in December!!!  I AM SO EXCITED!  I've wanted to go to The Nutcracker for years.  I love ballet.  Oh my.  I can't believe I'll actually get to go.  I can't wait.

Then we went to The Melting Pot for dinner.  Enjoying four courses of delicious fondue!  It was really fun to feel like myself again.  To get out.  To move and go places other than the hospital.  To eat yummy food and talk with my husband.  To laugh and be together.  He even had them place a rose on the table before we got there.

Right now, we are in the middle of newborn baby sleepless nights, oxygen monitors beeping every few minutes, three other kids with colds and coughs (the week after we all had the stomach flu…), a house two months neglected, and normal life demands.  Somehow we will get through all of it.  And I think one reason is because over the last eleven years, Todd and I have figured out how to be a really great team.  I love you Todd!  When it's hard and when it's easy.  Forever!

NICU Days Coming to an End!

Seeing Oliver's eyes while feeding him was always my favorite thing in the NICU.  And just rocking him silently.

 Leaving him, on the other hand…not my favorite part.

 I love his sweet tiny hands.

 His 24 hour test on room air ended with the decision that he did indeed need oxygen.  He was dipping low over 20% of the time.

 So the feeding tube was switched out for the nasal cannula again.  But I was glad to see the feeding tube gone.  And someday he'll be free of the cannula too and I might just have to stare at his tube-free face ALL day.  And take a million more pictures…but even with the cannula, I think he looks perfect.

 Once we got the home oxygen system set up, and got trained on it, it was time for discharge!  Oliver was excited to go home for the first time.  See:

 Home, home, here we come!

Two Weeks Old

More miracles!  Oliver starting drinking 100% of his bottles last night.  And look!  They took out his nasal cannula this morning too.  If he can maintain good oxygen levels for 24 hours, he'll get to stay cannula free!  And if he keeps up the good work eating, his feeding tube will be taken out as well and I'll finally see that cute face tube and tape free!  

I know there is a chance he'll tire out and stop eating so well.  He might have to stay a few days longer than I'm hoping, but even that is soon.  SOON I'll get to take home my baby and keep him forever!!  And if he ends up needing to come home on oxygen, at least I can snuggle him still unlike the bili beds Madeline and Cooper came home on.

Everything about this pregnancy and birth and child has been miracles.  I'm so eager to bring him home and hold him close without having to say goodbye.  Please don't feel bad if I don't want to share him at first.

A Little Oliver Update

He looks just like this almost every time I visit:

 I love when he smiles in his sleep.

 And I love the few short moments when he's actually awake!  Oliver has been doing well.  Today he finally weighs more than his birth weight!  5 lbs. 14 oz.  And his cord fell off today too.  I always feel happy when that happens.  Today also marks one month until his due date!  I can't believe I've been snuggling with him for two weeks already and he's not even supposed to be here for another month.  I try and remember that when I'm missing him so much.  That he's not even supposed to be here yet.  I should count these as extra snuggles.

 As soon as Oliver can eat 100% of his bottles for 48 hours he can go home.  We've made a lot of progress this past week.  He started off the week eating only 2%.  Then 6% and 9%.  He ended the week with a huge jump all the way to 46%!  Over the weekend he ate 51% then 41% with his bottle.

 This Mama is trying very hard to be patient.  I know he'll get it.  Until then, I'm very grateful for his feeding tube.  He is still so tiny and premature.  He wakes up and acts very hungry and eager to eat. He just doesn't have the endurance.  After half his bottle is gone, he just can't stay awake anymore.  I just kiss him and whisper, "It might not be good enough to get you home, but you did good enough for today.  I love you Oliver."  And it is good enough.  He's still trying to develop and grow.  That's all I could ever ask of him.

 Meanwhile, I'll just keep driving the drive to the NICU, scrubbing my hands to death, and snuggling my sweet dreaming babe.

 Oh yeah, and since our lives aren't hectic enough around here, we decided to start Madeline in piano lessons this past week too…(I'm not sure what I was thinking)

gotta love those three note songs

Missing Oliver

Tonight as I sit here at home I miss my Oliver.  So crazy much.  It gets harder to leave him every time I have to.  My heart seems to know when his cares are, because I always start to miss him right at the times they are checking his temp and changing his diaper and trying to feed him.  I'll start to miss him and then I'll look at the clock and it's exactly time for his care.

I was able to feed him twice yesterday and once today.  I just love those moments.  I'm aching for more.    I wish there was a way I could be there more often.  This has been a completely new experience for me.  When Madeline and Cooper were in the NICU, I lived at the hospital.  Looking back, I realize that that was extremely difficult for me to be there for every second, but I think this is too.  There really isn't anything about having a NICU baby that isn't.

But I've had some great moments of happiness in the last two days too.  And I'll hold on to those.  I've always heard you can be happy in trials and I've always wanted to believe it, but this time around might be the first time in my life where I finally understand it.  I can miss Oliver and still be happy at the same time (and it's okay to be).  I can cry (a lot) and that doesn't mean I had a bad day.  I feel happy.  I do.  And probably more grateful this Thanksgiving season than ever in my whole life.  And that will only multiply when I can bring Oliver home.

Ten days in the NICU down.  And counting…

The Juxtaposition that is my Life

I wake up when it's still cold and dark.  I shower and get ready quickly.  And I'm greeted by Ethan when I open the bathroom door.  We rush to the kitchen.  Cereal is out.  Bowls and spoons and milk.  I fill the kids' water bottles.  Wait!  Madeline is having a field trip today, she doesn't need one.  Dump.  Time to make lunches.  Before I finish I need to wake up Madeline.  Quick get dressed.  Brush hair while eating.  Hurry Miss, time to finish up.  Cooper's calling.  Ethan starts to practice the piano.  I've got to get the bills ready to mail.  Where is the overdue library show?  Don't forget I'm meeting you for parent-teacher conferences right after school today.  Don't go home with Michael.  Where are your shoes?  Climb down Cooper!  Finish packing lunches.  Sign planner.  Find coats.  Brush your teeth.  Hurry Madeline.  Ethan needs help with piano.  We have five minutes until the carpool comes.  Hand Cooper his milk, help Ethan, find Madeline and help her focus.  Quick!  Time for prayers.  HONK!  The ride is here!

The kids are off.  Now time to catch Cooper.  "HIDING!," he shouts and he runs away.  New diaper and get dressed.  Pack Cooper's lunch.  Find the library show.  Brush teeth and make my bed.  I have to make my bed, it was unmade for 10 weeks!  "Pretty" Cooper says.  Yes, I agree.  Pack a diaper, get my badge, don't forget the bills.  Load in the car.  I drop Cooper off at Mimi's house and as I pull away I admit I do a little victory cheer.  This is the first time I haven't needed help in 10 weeks.  I finally can do  all the things that are mine!

Now I head towards the freeway.  Wait!  Turn in library show.  I make a u-turn…finally on the freeway, I zip towards the hospital.  Fast.  Hurry.  I glance at the clock.  I find a far away parking spot.  I rush in.  I enter the NICU and scrub my arms and hands.  Scrub scrub scrub.  Through the doors and turn the corner.

And that's when I see Oliver.  And time stops.

For two hours I hold him.  Still and silent.  I study the shape of his lips.  His hands.  His hair.  Hearing only our breath.  Slow and calm.

...

The cold wind as I leave the hospital brings me back and I remember the loads of laundry waiting for me at home.  I am not exactly sure how or when these two worlds will merge.  But I'm excited for the challenge, because honestly, I love them both.

Another NICU Visit

It had been forever since I had seen my little guy.  So you can imagine how thrilled I was to be greeted by open eyes when I walked into Oliver's room in the NICU this morning!

 The oxygen was a bit of a surprise.  His levels were dipping a lot yesterday, especially when he tried to eat.  He even acted like he couldn't breathe a few times.  But today he is doing better.  He is on the lowest level of oxygen.  Changing to the lowest flow bottles in existence helped too.  He took 10 mls at noon today before tuckering out.  I am constantly reminded he is acting his age.

I think his age is perfect.  Today I would have been 35 weeks pregnant.  But instead, today I held my Oliver and sang to him.

 Light or dark.  Hard or easy.  I am glad I have you.

 And I'm happy when we get to be together.

 Oliver's nurse asked me if I had had other NICU babies in the past.  She said it isn't every day you see a NICU parent so calm.  I laughed inside because she did NOT see me yesterday.  But when I'm in the NICU with Oliver, I am unusually calm.

 He will eat when he can.  He'll breathe alone when he's ready.  No one can force his development.  And I've seen way too many miracles in the past week and even months to let myself worry.  The Lord is in control.  And I'm grateful beyond measure for that!

A Day with Cooper

I've gotta be honest, I was hysterical when I woke up still too sick to visit Oliver in the NICU.  I was counting on it with my whole heart when I went to bed the night before.  I cried a lot.  Off and on the whole day.

But somewhere in the middle of all of that, I realized that maybe, just maybe, my Cooper needed me more.  And so I tried to forget myself a little and I played with Cooper.

There's a lot of fun to be had when you dig around Ethan's room and pull out the toys he doesn't play with anymore!  Trains and trucks galore!  Mom organized and rearranged toys all day!  I can sleep peacefully now knowing everything is on its way to being back where is belongs.  Ha!

 We drove diggers and trains.  Read books and played hide-n-seek…sort of.  Blocks and more cars.  Had a picnic lunch.  Rolled around laughing and tickling.

 A Cooper selfie

 I even let Cooper see all the things in the Hutch.  He loves to smell the candles.  I might have been tired and hurting, but I think I might have forgotten about it for a little bit too.  I sure love my Cooper!

 And Todd stopped by to visit Oliver on the way home from work.

One Week Old!

More about Oliver

Not sure why, but this is my favorite picture of my sweet Oliver.

 After three days of being under intense phototherapy lights, Oliver was taken off for a test period.  He was tested 15 hours later and while his bilirubin levels had gone up, it wasn't enough to be on lights.  Since then he has managed to stay under light level!

 This morning, his test came back LOWER than the day before.  Lower without lights!  That never happens to my babies.  I was relieved and so happy.  Looks like Oliver won't be needing lights ever again.  And definitely no blood transfusions either!  Such a blessing and a relief!

 Sweet tiny hand

 Oliver sleeps about 23 hours and 50 minutes every day.  He is never awake.  His feeding tube keeps him alive while he sleeps peacefully growing his brain.  I smile every time I look at this picture because he was completely asleep when I took it.  His eyes just happened to flutter open while he did a dreamy smile right as I snapped the picture.

 Most of the time, he's deep sleeping though.  And won't even stir during diaper changes or getting picked up.  The doctors always reassure me that he's acting his age.  I wouldn't even be 35 weeks pregnant yet.

 One of these days he'll start waking up.

 One of these days he'll start acting hungry.  And I'll feed him.  And I'll love it.  They said they thought he'd need to be in the NICU for 2-3 weeks.

 With the phototherapy lights gone, Oliver got promoted to a crib!  No more warmer lamp either.  Now he gets to be snuggled in jammies and a blanket.

 Oh baby!  I love you so much.

Our family has been taking turns with the stomach flu this week.  It finally hit me yesterday.  It's been a rough week.  In the last 72 hours, I've only seen Oliver for 1.  I don't get to go and see him until tomorrow.  You have to be symptom free for 24 hours.  And my children aren't allowed in the NICU at all.  Ever.  I'm excited for the day when they can meet their brother.  I'm glad he's safe.  I'm glad he's sleeping.  And I can't wait to see him tomorrow.  

In his first six days of life, I think I've only been with him about 19 hours.  It hurts.  A lot.  I think about him every moment and with every breath I take.  I miss him.  So very much.  But I'm grateful that he doesn't miss me.  Sweet dreams Oliver.  Soon we will be together.