Baby Love

When I first went down, all I could think about were the people right in front of my face.  I had people ask me how I was doing in regards to my baby and I just told them I couldn't think about that.  My brain really didn't seem to let me think about him at first.  Probably because of how hard it was for me when Cooper was in the NICU.  And this time would probably be much harder and longer.  If I thought about it, I was taken back to Cooper getting transfusions and the pain was so fresh.  I can feel everything again if I let myself.  So I just didn't think about him.

That was fine for awhile, but then I started getting bugged that I couldn't think about him.  My brain just wouldn't let me.  Until I went and had an ultrasound where they gave me this picture:

I sat there staring at it that afternoon and suddenly he was so real!  I suddenly loved him so much.  And yes, I cried like crazy.  But I was also so happy that he was real to me.  And no matter how hard it is, I can hardly wait to have him in my arms.  I know it might be scary, but I feel an overwhelming sense of peace.  He'll be okay.  And he will be mine!!

I made these for him:

I hope the hat ends up being too small.  That would be awesome.  

I love you baby!  You are so worth every second I'm in bed.  Every second I'm missing out on stuff.  I love how I can feel your precious and powerful spirit already.